Life and Baby

Its been 17 months since Tiny-one came into my life. 17 glorious months of endless love and sleepless nights.

My pregnancy was uneventful, well when I say uneventful I don't count being forced to go on a leave in my 7th month and also a very scary-funny ER trip: my dear husband was trying to steal my thunder or so I thought at that time. See, uneventful. 

So when the Tiny-one did come along, I was overwhelmed. In spite of all the books I had read and all the homework I had done, I was surprised at the little precious package I was given. My only solace was that my mom was with me to take care of the baby. But then like all good things come to an end, my mom left after a mere 3.5 months. I was scared. Tiny-one and I spent the first day alone crying over small things. 

Eventually, I did manage. Both of us are still alive and kicking, kicking hard in his case I must say. We are a well oiled machine. We move in unison through our day. We know what the other wants just by a little movement of the eye. I have a full time job with a very demanding boss. It feels good at the end of the day if the Tiny-one sleeps well. Feels like I've done my job well. 

As the time passes, he is growing. Fast. Soon he'll be off to day school (which feels as heart wrenching as if he going off to college) and I will be left with lots of time on my hand with nothing much to do. The prospect scares me. I've never been free in my life and that's something I don't want to be. 

Life has been all about Tiny-one. It's surprising how in the last few months I have forgotten what life was like before. I suppose I will have to start again. Do something so that I don't spend my time waiting and wanting. 

It will be a new life, and I am looking forward to it being an awesome one.

Top 10 things a professional does while jobless

A Professional by definition is a person engaged or qualified in a profession. This person has worked to be called a professional. He has worked to hone his skills which qualify him for the job.

A professional person gets up every morning has a schedule to fulfill. He has places to be, he has tasks to complete. The direction for his day is decided by the amount of work he has to do; the meetings he has to attend; the deadlines he has to achieve. The professional longs for the weekends, he longs for vacations. He longs for the time when he can “smell the roses”.

But when the same professional gets his wish, of being able to smell the roses, what really happens. Is this a boon?

Well, I have been working for the entire stretch of my adult life. I enjoyed the work, but I definitely complained more than once during the working life that I never got a break. That I was working for too long, I was always busy. That I wish I could wake up late, while away all my time doing nothing. That I could walk around the streets during the day soaking in the sun.

So as luck would have it, I did finally get a chance to go on a sort of sabbatical for an indefinite period of time. I was excited. For me this meant late mornings, gourmet breakfasts, lazy lunches, afternoon siestas, long walks, reading up on my technical knowledge, figuring out an alternate profession, writing a-blog-a-day!

Well all sounded wonderful, and I approached my impending “vacation” with all vigor. But it took me less than a fortnight to realize that the work life has spoiled me!! So here is a list of things I – a professional – did on my “vacation”.

1. Early mornings!!! This turned out as the biggest surprise. I have always loved my sleep, and I had thought that while on leave I would catch up on the sleep which I lost while studying and working. But as it turned out, I had this severe urge to wake up every morning and just sit around while my husband got ready to head off for work. He never insisted, for whatever reason I felt like seeing him off!!

2. Cereals! Coming from a family of people who love to cook and getting married to someone who is the same, I always gave an excuse for my disinterest in the kitchen by saying that I never got the time to learn. But now, when I did have the time, I convinced myself that I am going to be home alone, how does it matter what I cook. I will stick to cereals! Goodbye gourmet breakfasts!

3. Doing absolutely nothing! Well this consisted as the biggest activity of my day. There were times when I realized that I haven’t moved from a single spot since hours. While being motionless didn't bother me, the guilt of wasting my day doing nothing did.

4. Honing my OCD!! Well I do have this incessant need of keeping things clean. But the vacation gave me ample time to make sure I cleaned a surface at least 50 times a day!

5. Walking in circles – This one is not all that bad. When I started I had thought that I will walk around exploring the area. However, my home was surrounded by the expressways on both sides. So I had to make do by walking around the block. Was a good exercise though.

6. Re-runs! Well this is nothing to do with the walking. Basically television never interested me. But I really dint have to worry about that since all the time I got to watch television was 3 hours maximum. But since now I had all the time in the world, I did not enrich my television knowledge and I stuck to watching the re-runs of my favorite sitcoms!

7. Gossip-mongering. Going by my decision of reading up on my favorite topics and writing numerous blogs on the knowledge I collected. However, every time I ventured on the World Wide Web, I landed up reading up about the lives of the celebrities. Sad! I know! But that’s what became as a big habit. Sad!

8. Cursing the husband. Now the poor guy is working to his limit. I am more than happy to be here for him. But the frustration of sitting home alone, I unfortunately always took it out on him. My punching bag! Awww!

9. Cursing the government. Well this is again a valid thing to do. I was told on the website, that I would get my work permit (yep life is definitely centered on work) soon – within 90 days. But it did not. For some reason the government slowed down the processing and hence were directly responsible for my sour mood.

10. F5. All day long, refreshing the page of the status of my work permit was the most important thing to do. God forbid that I don’t see change of status as soon as they (the government) post it. But desperation makes you do funny things!

My vacation did land up being quite different to what I imagined. But all the same, it has been a learning experience. 

Whats before New Beginnings?

Few days back I vacated the apartment which had been my home for the last 2.5 yrs.

I went to many places in that time, but I always knew where I will return.

Sure the place wasn't perfect... hell the place wasn't even mine... 

But it was my safe haven. I knew all the imperfections. I knew how to work around them. 

Anyway, nothings ever built to last.

I finally had to tear down all the small little things I had built into the house.. and say goodbye to it. It was a weird feeling. I was sad at times, but with just so many things to do the sadness dint last very long. I was so exhausted when I had to leave the place, that I dint have the time to feel any emotions... 

Now however, a few days have passed. I have traveled half way across the country and I have had the time to think. Now that I realized I don't have my own place to go back to, its somewhat a homeless feeling, if such a thing exists. 

I am going to be living out of a suitcase for a while, well in my case I will be living out of a bunch of suitcases and bags and probably some cartons as well, but the point is the same. I will be travelling to a bunch of cities in between. I will be meeting so many people I will have to say goodbye to, agreed temporary and agreed only for some days. but still I hate goodbyes. 

But this is something I have to do. I have to go on to a different life. 

I am scared. I am petrified of what the future holds for me. I wonder how life turns out on this next step.

But that's what life is. Isn't it!? A new beginning every day. 

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.” Right?

If only...

If

By Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

‘Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Feeling At Home

Process this. You have been told that in 2 weeks time you will have to go to a completely new city for some work. Questions pop into your head... You spend you fortnight wondering what the city will be like? How will the people be? How will you manage to get around the city? How will you be able to trust what a localite tells you?

India is a huge country. It has diverse cultures. It has hundreds of languages and a million dialects. Okay… tell me something new you say! Right! Right… well. Let me reboot!

I have spent majority of my life in the western part of India, save a few months in the lovely Infosys campus in Mysore where the company has provided such a cocoon that you don’t realize you are in some far away part of the country. Also thanks to my choice of profession (not my own but yes I don’t mind the perks) I have had the luxury of visiting some foreign locales. But, it’s been a while since I last went out of my comfort zone. It’s been a while since I have been to a city where I know if I am standing in the correct street, either by relying on a digital map or with the help of some family.

When we landed in the southern most part of India, southern most for me at least – I have never been so far away from home in my own country, we were if anything else a little anxious. Apart from the obvious difference in language, there is a vast difference between the societies also. We were given a map, and written description, of reaching our destination. We were told by family and friends that people will not even respond to English, let alone Hindi! We had a bunch of numbers at hand in case we get lost in this huge strange city. And of course there are the digital maps.

But as luck would have it, the moment we landed, both of our phones conked off. So the maps and the numbers go out of the window. We approach the prepaid cab stand and get our ticket to the destination. Once in the cab, a friend who said that people won’t respond to English was proved right, when the driver dint respond to a single thing we said to him. We dint even think of trying Hindi… come on who are we kidding!!

Anyway, what we dint realize was that while we were settling in the cab, the driver was making sure he knew the address to the T. He dint miss a single turn and dropped us safely to our destination in the shortest time we have spent in a cab in any metropolitan city. Also as soon as we entered the guest house, I was again pleasantly surprised when the person greeted us in perfect Hindi. He brought us prompt coffee (authentic filter coffee) and asked us about our home towns. Turned out he himself hailed from up-north!! At the dinner table we were served a lovely home cooked meal of all the things we have at our parent’s house (even we don’t ever cook such lovely meals!!). While on a walk around the neighborhood, it felt as if we were walking around our locality, such was the ease with which we were walking the streets as if we knew every nook and cranny. Well, probably I am woozy with all the good food and lovely night air, but I am feeling much at home in this strange city.

That got me wondering, isn't it wonderful what globalization has done to our huge country. When we think of globalization we only think of internationalization. But what really has happened is that India as a country also has shrunk. Who would have thought say 15 years back that two people who have no ties what so ever with a city would be so comfortable just in 2 hours. Who would have thought that you will be able to trust complete strangers just because we have faith in them?

It’s what education has done to us. We think beyond boundaries. We think beyond color. We think beyond languages. We are the new generation who is willing to leave their homes and live in a foreign land. We don’t have prejudices. We don’t judge without reason. We have an open mind. We are willing to learn, and teach.

This wasn't a vacation, but it turned into just one of the best times I have had...

Golden Age Thinking

Nostalgia.

I recently saw the movie “Midnight in Paris”. A beautifully made movie draped in love for Paris. I must say in spite of the fact that Woody Allen is considered as one of the best movie makers, I have never been a fan. Maybe it’s the fact that he falls in the category of the artists who makes movies to keep their current muse as the center of their movies. But there is something in this particular movie that attracted me towards it.

I feel that this movie is made on people like me.

Now all of us remember the past. Some of us want to go back to yesterday, some want to go back to the last year. Some of us want to go back to the days of college while some of us want to go back to the day of our first kiss. But we all do remember past. Now there is a bunch of people who want to go back, go way way back into the past and live in the time that they think as the “Golden Age”.

Wishful thinking of going to a Golden Age is nothing but thinking that some different time is better than the current age one is living in. It’s Nostalgia! You hate the time you are living in and land up fantasizing about some era you feel was perfect. You romanticize! When you think of the era you feel like violins are playing softly in the background. The whole era is draped in the most beautiful colors of spring. The whole scenery has the fragrance of the first rain after summer.

What’s more, you feel you will land up meeting your idols from the past. You think you will get to talk to the people, who though not directly, have had an influence on the way you think about everything. Learn more about their lives. Live their lives with them. Become their groupies for all intents and purposes!! Wouldn’t it be just perfect!

Well if you have been nodding your head while reading, you are just like me. Dreamers. Well its no harm to wish to be in a place someplace else, but we have to remember to live the present. How else will you make a day worthy enough to go back to in years to come?!

Back after a long time...

12 April 2010

There is always things which you want to do... but then there are these other things which you haveeee to do... and the come in the way of the 1st one...

He he... as usual... off to a confusing start... but thats okay... thats normally the state of my mind...

Well its been 4 months since December... The time just flewwww.... Though the months haven't been un-eventful... Some were such that even as i am writing this i can recall each and every moment. Some such... which i want to go back in time and just erase them from memory!

When I started off with a blogspot... i thought i like this... i like putting my thoughts onto paper (okayyy... virtuallll paper!!!)... but like all the other things I things i would do... well...

So again... after a looooooong hiatus... here i am... saying to myself... i will be regular at this!!

Be back soon...

Love always...

T